There have been and still remain many times in my life where things sneak up on me like a ninja in furry slippers.
It’s as if circumstances appear out of nowhere - but if you’re self-aware, there is hope because there are signs and signals you can look out for. And prevention is so much easier than recovery.
For example, it’s over 20 years ago now that I got M.E. (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). Something that seemingly appeared out of the ether and seized control.
It took me 3 years to unravel from it and be well again.
And whilst I don’t really buy into regret, I take heed from lessons learnt and make every effort not to get caught out again.
What do I mean get caught out?
Well, I mean, this frog will always stop at regular intervals to check the water temperature!
“Take heed from lessons learnt and make every effort not to get caught out again. “
A Frog in a Pan
Many of my clients will have heard me refer to the anecdote of the frog in hot water…….
Apparently, if a frog is placed in hot water it will instantly jump out. However if a frog is placed in cold water and that water is gradually heated it will not be aware and will be slowly cooked to death.
Horrid, right? But a cautionary tale, nonetheless…
I must confess, I haven’t tested this on any frogs and certainly don’t intend to! However, whether the premise is true or not, this metaphor is one I return to again and again.
In a nutshell, the frog’s immediate response to the hot water represents a quick reaction to a sudden, noticeable change. In contrast, the frog’s failure to respond in the gradually heated water represents a lack of awareness or perception of the slowly changing conditions.
So from a human perspective, it demonstrates our tendency to overlook gradual changes in our environment or circumstances until they become significant or irreversible – making one hopping mad (see what I did there?)
Also, it’s telling of our ability to adapt and become accustomed to things that perhaps aren’t best for us in the long term.
So how do we identify what temperature the water is?
“We overlook gradual changes in our environment or circumstances until they become significant or irreversible.”
Your Breath
Most people have been told that if you are shallow breathing then you could well be in some kind of stress response.
The breath really is the key to your whole well-being. It connects directly to the health of the heart, the central nervous system and your oxygen supply needed to survive.
So take a deep breath.
Does it feel constricted at all?
Can you feel like you can even catch your breath now you are paying attention?
These are indications you are already in hot water.
Your Body
We seldom really get ill unless we are compromised by stress, particularly cumulative stress (that gradual application of heat, my dear frog).
We know the body keeps the score on things from your life. So what is your body trying to tell you?
Headaches, sleep issues, chronic pain, illness…these are all a cry for attention from your body but are you listening?
You may be so used to it that it has become your ‘normal’. You may be medicating but is that addressing the root cause? A Body Scan Meditation is a perfect opportunity to check in.
“We know the body keeps the score on things from your life. So what is your body trying to tell you?”
Your Spirit
For some this is a new realm entirely but it is here the water is dark and deep as well as hot.
Are you living your life how you want to?
Is your heart open?
Do you feel energised and joyful?
Do you feel congruent or aligned?
Have you ever even asked yourself these questions or are you on some kind of autopilot mode? If so you may well be in hot water.
In coaching we often work with a tool called Wheel of Life. It is a great starting point. If you’re curious, read on.
Your Inner Frog
So what now you have discovered whilst channelling your inner frog – is it that you’re in hot water?
Firstly you now know something you didn’t know, this is new knowledge!
Now you jump!
For some, the knowledge alone is enough and it means you can take that action. You may be able to self-resource.
For others it may not be so easy. You may be too tired or scalded to jump. You may need a leg up or support. Everyone is different.
If you’re ready to jump but you’re not sure how, book a free curiosity call with me, I will help you my froggy friend!
Grief caught up with me this week.
I knew it was there. I thought I had honoured and stepped through much of it. Even with all my tools at my disposal it still bit me on the backside!
Bernard
Our beautiful cat Bernard died.
Meaning ‘Strong Bear’ and named so because he was like a teddy bear, Bernard was a British Shorthair and more dog than cat.
We were often shouted at if we were not up in the mornings or if he needed something – he knew how to vocalise his demands! He was an absolute nutter that loved life. Seldom a lap cat but he did require picking up and cuddling until he told you he had got what he needed. He loved face kisses. Would adventure so hard in the night that once he checked in with you in the morning he slept so soundly it was hard to wake him up (cats normally sleep lightly). Often found at the top of the stairs and like his predecessor only rested once everyone was in their beds at night. He was my Hubster’s best friend.
He was such a foody that bread had to be put away, anything that needed defrosting had to be hidden in the microwave. The kids lost their packed lunch sandwiches a good few times if left unguarded in the mornings. He would try and eat whatever you had and even paw a plate towards him from your hands (shouting at you for lack of compliance).
At a mere 2 years old, Bernard was put to sleep – his face kissed for the whole duration and beyond as he passed. The base of his back and tail had a clear break that was clearly moved away from where it should be. Nerve damage was thought to be extensive and possible neurological damage. He was in so much pain. A few claws were roughly worn down, one side of his whiskers the same and bloody inside one ear. The vet believes it was a car. He could have only made it back to our garden on adrenalin with his injuries. We live in a cul-de-sac down a quiet close so car risk was minimal but sadly not impossible.
This picture of him is on my office chair, larger than life. He was pure joy bottled in a cat. I can bury my face no longer in his deep chocolate fur. We are a family member down and the house feels wrong for it. His presence is truly missed.
We are over the initial shock and are coming to terms with it, but we haven’t brought ourselves to bury his ashes just yet. Joy has left the household for a while.
“His face was kissed for the whole duration and beyond as he passed.”
Heather
My darling friend Heather passed away 2 years ago.
I had known H since I was 16 in my first ever full time job so our friendship spanned over more than 30 years. She had such a kind heart and was very fun to have in life with a fab chuckle. We had mini adventures together including getting our tattoo’s together and she was the first friend I told about my now Hubster whilst we were away at Champneys.
On the first anniversary of her death many of her friends gathered. This year there was a Hike for Heather but unfortunately I couldn’t go as I’ve had some intermittent problems with my leg. On the anniversary day itself we all communicated in our Whatsapp group. We’ve become quite a community as many of us knew OF each other when H was alive, but didn’t all know each other that well. So even in her death she has brought people together. The sunflower being our symbol for H. She was a real gift and a blessing to have known, I have some wonderful memories.
“How truly amazing it is to stumble upon a soul that wants nothing but smiles and sunshine for you”
Grief
Whilst it is a universal experience, our own journeys with grief are incredibly personal. There is no straight line/path to take, I don’t think.
And the child in me has stomped her feet at the injustice of these recent losses.
What has shocked me is the anger; as I look distrustingly at my neighbours wondering which one of them knocked my cat with a car and yet failed to look me out and let me know. How long the poor boy must have been in pain. I despise them and yet don’t know who they are.
My head knows accidents happen but my heart and gut are not aligned yet with my head.
We know there are stages to grief (see the infographic below), and I am clearly jumping around these currently.
I am not arrogant enough to believe I have it nailed down how to cope but I do have much experience in processing grief unfortunately.
Here are the strategies I am currently undertaking in case you want to cherry pick something you have not considered trying before:
Deep Breathing
At every opportunity I am filling my lungs to capacity. Soothing my nervous system.
Radical Gratitude
Oh I have been messaging some people and just speaking out loud to the universe. We know gratitude rewires the brain positively.
Expressing the Grief
Honestly this has been mainly tears. Writing this also is part of this.
Connection
I felt like doing nothing last weekend. My husband and daughter were at the Grand Prix at Silverstone. My son and I went Axe throwing – very therapeutic! Then shopped for food treats and watched Guardians of the Galaxy 3 together. It was a bit of magic for me, that time with him.
The Whatsapp group with the other friends of H already mentioned.
Small Realistic Goals
I already have lots of goals but I did decide to habit stack a few more.
I meditate during the day but from this week I have also switched my morning up. At 6am I go downstairs and get a warm mug of my ginger and lemon tonic and go outside and simply sit barefoot. I take my notebook so after 20 minutes I journal any thoughts. Then I listen to an audio book for 20 minutes. At 7am I head back inside to shower and get dressed then meet Hubster for a coffee in the lounge and a chat at 7.30am. It has just built extra space in before I see anyone and for anything to come up in those moments of solitude.
Healthy Eating & Hydration
Basic but fundamental!
Food is simply fuel to me and I often get way past hungry. I am ensuring I eat regularly and nutritious food where possible. No point in adding being ‘Hangry’ to my schedule!
Sleep
My sleep hygiene is generally good.
I leave my mobile phone in my office at night, my alarm is always set for 6am and I try to be in bed between 10-10.30pm. A banana before bed this week appears to be ensuring a deeper sleep since my nutritionist suggested that waking up in the night may be early stages of hunger and it seems to be working a treat.
Movement
If I can’t get out for a walk I have been bouncing on my mini-trampoline or gardening.
Meditation
The ‘sitting out’ practice in the morning at 6am, connecting with nature, allowing thoughts to come and go. Then a further seated session indoors later in the day.
EFT
Tapping through the anger and emotion.
“Expressing the grief has been mainly tears. Writing this also is part of this.”
A Safe Space
These various practices all have a hand in helping the mind, body, and soul connect – and allowing my nervous system to adjust while I create a safe space in my body and spirit to experience and process things as necessary.
A little distraction can be good, but creating a safe space for yourself is absolutely vital for processing trauma. Giving yourself permission to feel how you feel and practicing self-compassion is key.
“No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away….” Terry Pratchett
Where there is grief, there is great love……… the ripples continue.
In the aftermath of the boiling water incident that left my leg and foot severely burned, the journey of recovery begins.
While seeking medical attention and adhering to professional advice, I also turned to the power of meditation and breathwork as complementary tools to support my healing journey. Throughout this period, I discovered the profound impact that these practices, coupled with intuitive healing, could have on my physical and emotional well-being.
Recovery Estimates
So let me pick up where I left off…
The recovery time anticipated for my leg and foot was to be approximately 6 weeks minimum, I was informed. With burns, particularly large areas, the biggest risk is infection.
So the task was simple – feet up and heal and change the dressings. They kept a very close eye on me and I was not referred locally – every few days I took the trip into the city hospital and had the dressings changed. This went on for 3 weeks.
So, other than hospital visits, I was pretty much housebound. I could not wear shoes on my right foot. There was swelling and the pain was ongoing. Even sleeping next to the Hubster was a challenge. I swapped the side of the bed so my right leg could be out of the covers.
Healing from within
So, of course I continued to access my tools; I was tapping daily and meditating as frequently as possible. I would stand in the garden barefoot and ground myself.
To connect with the healing energy within me, I engaged in meditations focused on loving-kindness, visualisations of healing and blood flow, and the sacred chanting of “Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung,” a mantra renowned for its sacred healing properties.
Personally I don’t like to chant unless I understand the words I am using. So here’s the translation for you.
Ra = Means Sun life energy
Ma = Means Moon more receptive
Da = Means Earth, the Mother security and strength.
Sa = Means Sky-Universe-Unity, to sing it brings the healing, the infinite one, everything is connected
Sa = Everything is connected
Say = I am Sa
So = I experience Sa
Hung = Reality is the vibrating sense Infinite love
If you would like to experience the chant by the most beautiful voice that is Snatam Kaur.
Dead Toes
A week or so in and the doctors were paying more attention to the three outside toes on my foot. It would appear the white toes may not only be white due to the skin healing but maybe they had been killed off completely and there was a possibility of developing gangrene!
The dressings got expensive as they used special silver ones. I was understandably gripped with immense fear.
I continued to turn to meditation, visualisation, breathwork, and tapping to guide me through.
The enforced rest was starting to feel counter intuitive. How was fresh blood going to get to the area easily if it had to go uphill? I was aware my muscles needed action and my knee was locking. And I was missing my wild swimming so much.
Fortunately my dear friend Magda came to visit. Now, she is a McTimoney Chiropractor and a qualified nurse and we are both very intuitive, particularly when it comes to healing. She felt the same as me, it was time to move and engage muscles and improve blood flow.
Focussed Healing
The walks round the garden and the house increased and the focussed healing continued.
Finally after 3 weeks my toes came back to life! It was at this point that I was discharged and no longer had to visit the hospital. Much scarring was predicted and I even have a dent in that leg (I think I managed to burn a bit of fat away).
It became clear that my multifaceted healing journey was driven by a combination of medical expertise, self-healing practices, and a deep connection to my body’s innate wisdom.
I asked if I could get back to my wild swimming. They weren’t keen but said I had to wait until the weekend and that it had to be the sea, not rivers.
On top of that, the burnt areas were not to see the sun for a minimum of a year and then a year of Factor 50 sun lotion should be applied.
I drove home via Lidl’s who fortunately had an offer on swim leggings!
Back in the Sea
That weekend I jumped into the North Sea in my new leggings and continued to wild swim as much as possible.
Two years on, the time in which it takes for all of the skin to completely regenerate, and I see no scars! Admittedly my legs have not seen the sun yet so perhaps I will have a patchy tan when it happens. I hope to find out this year.
This was not luck. My healing was incredibly focussed. I used every tool at my disposal. And I do think the cold water immersion from the swimming (I did do Cryotherapy too but I shall talk about that another time) had much to do with the minimal scarring.
So that 6 week recovery they said was the minimum……………On week 4 I trained as a Firewalk Instructor and I walked on burning hot coals hundreds of times.
Intuitive Healing
My recovery surpassed the initial expectations, not merely by chance but through a deliberate utilisation of modalities available to me.
While acknowledging that my experience is unique and not a substitute for medical advice, I do attribute the power of meditation, breathwork, intuitive healing, and the therapeutic benefits of cold water immersion to my healing journey.
By embracing these practices alongside professional guidance, I found resilience and bolstered the deep connection with my body’s innate wisdom.
In the midst of a painful incident involving a boiling water burn, I found solace in the power of breathwork and meditation.
Despite the overwhelming pain and stress, I knew I had to rely on my own inner resources to prevent spiralling into further distress.
The Incident
It was April 2021 and the sun was shining. Hubster had the BBQ on the go. My role was simple; boil the new potatoes. So boil them I did. Then I took them to the sink to drain them…….my wrist gave way. Suddenly without warning.
The pan of boiling water went down my right thigh and hit my right foot. At this point my memory does not entirely serve me but my next recall is being upstairs whipping off my trousers and showering my legs in cold water. I do remember thinking I was wasting water?!
This meant I did not submerge anywhere near as long as you should for a scalding.
I then went downstairs for dinner! Apparently no boiled potatoes were harmed in this incident and I had still drained them and left them on the side.
However the pain was pretty bad. My own first aid training did not really come to mind. In the end (after dinner) I rang 111 for them to ask the key question; is the burn bigger than your hand?……Er yes it was; the area burnt was a few hands worth. Cue wrapping my leg in clingfilm and getting to hospital.
To the hospital
Hubster had been enjoying a glass of wine and we have a policy of not driving, even if we think we are under the limit. So he stayed back with one of the kids and he threw my daughter in a taxi with me. Something else I would go on to regret.
The pain is pretty horrendous throughout all of this.
After the taxi initially taking me to a medical centre rather than Accident & Emergency!!! We rock up at the hospital. £50 lighter (hence my aforementioned regret).
I hobbled into the hospital, aided by my then 15 year daughter, only to be told she was not allowed in the hospital with me due to the post Covid restrictions. This had a serious impact on my stress levels – my daughter having to stand alone outside.
I am put in a wheelchair and parked where I can see my daughter through the glass. I get triaged about 7pm and get paracetamol, then parked back in the waiting room. The waiting room is not that busy but it would appear even with burns in a monumental amount of pain there is no queue jumping.
In the meantime Hubster drinks plenty of coffee and water and comes to collect my daughter. The relief was huge as it was getting dark. Love her. Remember this is a kid that has barely been out of the house for a while due to the covid restrictions.
Inner Resources
So I sit in my wheelchair, in pain, waiting……..I kid you not, I used every tool at my disposal that I have. I honestly wanted to scream and cry rather dramatically inside. However I knew I would exacerbate the pain and spiral into my own drama. I HAD to self-resource on this to prevent making myself feel any worse.
So I focus on my breath like there is nothing else in the world. Breathing in and breathing out. Inhaling and exhaling, I allowed the breath to anchor me in the present moment, providing a sense of stability amidst the chaos.
I use my EFT and I tap, allowing every emotion to move up and out of my body as I sit there, relieving some of the inner turmoil.
I actually consider calling Hubster to pick me up and take me home a number of times thinking I’m fine, I can cope. The waiting room is not even busy, so I convince myself the injury is minor otherwise surely they would have seen me already.
At Last I’m Seen
It is at least 2am when I am finally taken through for treatment. I am immediately offered gas and air, however I would rather be in pain than risk being physically sick so I decline it (doh).
Then I get loads of attention from lots of different medical experts. Many photos of my leg are taken and calls are made to the Burns Unit at Chelmsford. A decision has to be made if I am sent there or not and it is decided they keep me but they constantly liaise with the burns unit.
The first part of treatment is de-roofing. This is the removal of all the dead tissue and includes the blisters. So some poor guy gets the task armed with tweezers and scissors to cut it all away where the boiling water has hit.
It takes a painstakingly long time! He constantly offers me breaks and asks me if I am OK but I get in the zone – breathwork and meditation are my tools of choice.
Despite the discomfort, I observed and accepted the pain and breathed with it and through it.
Showered With Compliments!
I am finally allowed home around 4am.
Throughout this I was showered with compliments as to how I coped. From the taxi driver who took me to the hospital (the flippin’ scenic route), to the nurses and the doctors.
The nurse that deroofed my leg said he has seen rugby players with lesser injuries not cope so well.
And I tell you this not to impress you but to impress upon you the value of meditation.
The Power of Meditation
Meditation cannot take the pain away but observing and accepting discomfort increases your tolerance for pain.
This experience reaffirmed the immense value of meditation in my life.
While meditation couldn’t take away the physical pain, it provided me with the strength and presence of mind to navigate this distressing situation. By cultivating a deep connection to my breath and practicing acceptance, I was able to endure.
Subsequent to Potato-Gate, joint weakness became more constant and a year later I transition through the Menopause. So in retrospect, I attribute the event to Perimenopause.
And, I attribute my ability to face these challenges with resilience and inner strength to the transformative practice of meditation.
It remains an essential part of my life, allowing me to manage stress, take charge of pain, and cultivate a sense of trust in my own ability to navigate life, no matter what’s thrown my way.
