Returning to the Journal
It’s almost been a full year since my last post here, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing. In fact, I’ve been scribbling away constantly, filling up a dedicated notebook with thoughts, ideas, and musings. Yet somehow, I just didn’t get around to sharing them here on my journal. But today, I’m back, ready to reconnect with this space.
As always, I entered 2024 with optimism, but what I didn’t realise at the time was that I was on the verge of burnout. It wasn’t until I faced a looming deadline, something that usually flips a switch in me to get things done, that I realised something was different. This time, the deadline overwhelmed me instead of motivating me. I was running on empty.
A Mid-Year Recalibration
The summer gave me the opportunity to reflect, refocus, and replenish. I took a complete social media break from June through to September, and it was the reset I desperately needed.
During this time, I also tightened up some energy leaks in my life. Here’s where I’ve been focusing my efforts:
📊 Finances in Order – I’ve been slowly getting my financial house in order. It’s a work in progress, but it feels good to finally take control again.
🏠 Home Clean & Organised – While it’s far from spotless, I’m making strides in organising my space and actually finishing projects. I’ve become a “completer/finisher” again, and that sense of accomplishment is energising.
🚗 Car Free of Clutter – I was surprised to find that this one wasn’t too bad overall, but keeping the car tidy has definitely lightened my mental load.
🚧 Clear Boundaries – The biggest change has been setting clearer boundaries, especially with myself. Pulling back from social media and adjusting my internal rules has helped me reclaim my energy. I’ve realised that many of my boundary issues were self-imposed, and by addressing them, I’ve regained a sense of control.
🛌 Active Rest – In addition to the occasional power nap, I’ve been incorporating active rest through walking, cycling, meditation, and even gardening. Cold water immersion is back in my routine, and I’ve even created a new area in my garden just for this. These small, intentional activities have made a huge difference.
What I’ve discovered is that the more I pulled back, the more energy I gained. I’ve given myself space to reflect rather than constantly feeling like I need to be moving forward. I let my creativity lapse over the past year, but now I’m reconnecting with it, and the overwhelm is slowly fading. I’ve got so many projects in the works again, and I can’t wait to dive into them!
Six Years in Lincolnshire
It’s hard to believe, but it’s now been six years since I made the move from Milton Keynes to Lincolnshire—and what a journey it has been! Lincolnshire has so much to offer, and I’ve fallen in love with the quiet beauty, the open spaces, and the rich history of this county. I’m excited to share some of the hidden gems I’ve discovered here, from scenic trails to local spots that have become my go-to mini getaways.
Speaking of adventures, I’ve embraced mini-adventures and microadventures – small, spontaneous explorations that don’t require elaborate planning. Whether it’s an impromptu hike, a countryside drive, or visiting a tucked-away café, these experiences have added a sense of joy and discovery to my life. One of my favourite ways to explore is in my campervan, affectionately known as The Boo Mobile. Whether I’m parked by the coast or nestled in a quiet field, The Boo Mobile has become a cherished part of my adventures, providing a little home away from home.
Looking Ahead: Guest Blogs & New Projects
I’m excited to share that this journal won’t just be my voice moving forward. I’ve invited some guest bloggers to contribute, and a few are already in the process of writing for me! It’s going to bring a whole new energy to this space. I’ve also been writing for a magazine, and I plan to share those articles here as well. Plus, I’ve appeared on several podcasts recently (and even historically), which I’ll be linking to in future posts.
So, here’s to a refreshed perspective and a renewed commitment to sharing my journey. Thank you for sticking with me during this break—I’m excited for what’s to come!
So, here’s to a refreshed perspective and a renewed commitment to sharing my journey.
I am excited for what’s to come!
The Invitation
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
~Oriah Mountain Dreamer~
This magnificent poem offers an invitation to every single one of us to "show up" in the universe.
She reminds us that we do not serve the universe by being small. Rather, we serve the universe by making the most out of our lives.
I discovered this poem a few years after it was published. Every line of it resonates with me on various levels. So I want to share it in case you may not have read it, with just a few of the highlights for me personally.
The first line pulled me in immediately “It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living”.
I remember being on holiday in Peru, I had given up work due to CFS, and people were asking who did what for a living. I was already feeling anxious at what I would respond with.
Then someone else in the group said that it simply was not relevant! I’ve taken her lead ever since.
Simon Sinek also spoke to this “I define myself by who I am, not what I do”.
For me, before CFS, my identity was intertwined with my work. So the fall was greater for me when I had to give it all up.
It presents you with an identity crisis.
I then baulked at identifying with much else thereafter.
Even now I believe labels to only be helpful within certain situations and certain social circles. It turns out the author also had CFS.
“I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.”
Hurt people hurt people, the bullied can often become the bully. This has ever been present raising my kids and trying to keep them open, despite the pain but it resonates with all of us.
How people behave in adversity can be telling.
I love this quote:
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
“I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.”
Life can be hard! The small joys are what get you through – not necessarily the big stuff!
“I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’”
There is no failure, only feedback. I talk to the moon A LOT.
“I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”
I NEED my own company. I am an introvert. However not everyone can, and not everyone likes their own company.
But I’ll leave you with this thought.
There is a vast difference between solitude and loneliness, and if you can embrace your solitude, learn to be at peace in your own company, a new joy opens up to you.
What's the significance of these lunar events?
Personally I am obsessed with the moon, and always have been.
I often talk to the moon. And it talks back, in its own way. One need only listen.
I’m humbled and in awe of that beautiful entity, watching over us, allowing us to bask and bathe in its glorious light.
I breathe with the moon and absorb its incredible energy.
We have an understanding, the moon and me, a shared secret that only we know.
And back on this Earthly plane, I am the proud owner of a Jellycat Moon (which sits in my lying room) and a wonderful family picture commission, showing what phase the moon was in on our individual days of birth.
For me, this moon comes as we enter our ‘new term’ – like a back to school phase for adults – September is like a new year for some of us – and this moon brings luck.
“We have an understanding, the moon and me, a shared secret that only we know.”
What’s so special about this moon?
August 30th-31st Supermoon will be the closest, biggest, and brightest full Supermoon of 2023.
It’s exceptionally close in moon-miles from Earth (222,043 miles). The next time we’ll have a closer full Supermoon is November 5, 2025, when the moon lies 221,817 miles from Earth.
A Blue Moon is when two full moons occur within a calendar month OR seasonal cycle.
Since they only take place about every two to three years, they’re considered a rare and magickal event.
“They are considered a rare and magickal event.”
Connecting to magickal realms
The Blue Moon is a time of heightened spiritual energy and potential.
Practitioners of various esoteric and magickal practices view a Blue Moon as an opportune time for rituals, spells, meditation, and setting intentions.
And I do as well.
It’s a truly powerful time.
The Blue Moon carries amplified energy, making it a potent time for casting spells, performing rituals, or engaging in other metaphysical practices.
It’s a powerful time to set intentions. Just as the Full Moon is a time of culmination and manifestation, the Blue Moon is a rare opportunity to supercharge your intentions.
The idea of a “once in a Blue Moon” occurrence has also led to the association of the Blue Moon with transformation and change. Now is the time to reflect on personal growth and make positive changes in your life. Start your new journey.
The Blue Moon is a fabulous aid to dreamwork, divination, and other forms of psychic exploration. The heightened energy of the moon can enhance one’s ability to connect with deeper realms of consciousness.
Just as the Full Moon is often used for cleansing and charging crystals and ritual tools, the Blue Moon can be an even more powerful time for these activities.
“Now is the time to reflect on personal growth and make positive changes in your life.”
Why we connect the menstrual cycle with the moon phases
The New Moon is traditionally associated with menstruation, and if you find you get your period with the New Moon this is known as a White Moon Cycle.
The Full Moon is traditionally associated with ovulation, but some women do get their period on the Full Moon and this is called a Red Moon Cycle.
The White Moon Cycle is the kind that is more commonly experienced. Historically this is down to the impact of light on the Earth and our bodies – the Full Moon is the Earth’s most fertile time because of the additional light received by plants when there is bright moonlight as well as sunlight, and this is why it is traditionally associated with the ovulation phase.
Although the White Moon cycle is more common – that’s getting your period on the New Moon and ovulating on the Full Moon – a Red Moon cycle has interesting traditional connotations.
Women who experience a Red Moon cycle have historically been thought to be healers, wise women, or medicine women. These women would take care of the other women who were on their period at the time that they themselves were ovulating.
It’s also associated with creation in realms other than getting pregnant and having children – when the woman’s focus is on creating art, a business, or a new way of life for herself and others.
“Women who experience a Red Moon cycle have historically been thought to be healers, wise women, or medicine women.”
Celebrating and honouring the Blue Moon
Here are some ways you might like to celebrate and honour the Blue Moon.
Rituals and spells focused on intention-setting, manifestation, cleansing, or any other magickal purpose that aligns with the energy of the Blue Moon.
Meditation, reflection and deep introspection. Use the heightened energy of the moon to connect with your inner self, gain insights, and reflect on your goals and aspirations.
Connect psychically. Tarot readings, scrying, dream interpretation, and other forms of intuitive work will be enhanced during this time.
Gather moon water: Leave water out under the moonlight to create a special batch of moon water, which can then be used for various purposes like cleansing, blessing, banishing, and ritual work.
Blue Moons often inspire creative individuals to become prolific in their pursuits that align with the lunar energy. This includes painting, writing, crafting, or any other form of creative expression. The choice is yours.
A simple walk in the moonlight, a ritual cleansing bath or shower, a meditation outside in the moon’s brilliant light – how you honour and celebrate is up to you – it’s your intention that holds the power.
Harness it well.
So mote it be.
I hope you’ve found this informative and enlightening.
Whatever your beliefs and/or practices, lean into this Blue Moon energy and you might just be surprised at what you encounter.
If you’ve ever worked with me you’ll know that once we’re past the initial chemistry conversation, you’re highly likely to hear me question your ‘shoulds’.
It is not uncommon for people to be “shoulding” themselves all over the place.
Are you one of them? Let’s take a deeper look.
Internal dialogue vs monologue
While dialogue means real exchange of ideas between two or more points of view (I-positions), monologue refers to one-sided communications (whether to oneself or to another person) in which an answer is not expected.
Your internal dialogue and monologue (this is your self-talk), is what takes place within an individual’s mind. This self-reflective process can be both beneficial and detrimental, depending on the nature of the topic – and often we don’t recognise let alone externally verbalise these conversations.
What do you catch yourself saying to yourself?
Some of it will be pretty conscious, but of course, a lot of this self-talk is subconscious so we have to dig a bit deeper.
To get some insight into your self-talk, the first step is awareness.
“This self-reflective process can be both beneficial and detrimental, depending on the nature of the topic”
How to become aware of the voices in your head
Don’t worry, you’re not going loopy! Most of us have one or more voices in our heads.
Navigating self-talk can be challenging but here’s a few ways you can begin to tune in:
Mindfulness – the art of paying attention to the present moment without judgement.
Take some time each day to sit quietly and observe your thoughts without getting caught up in them. Simply notice the thoughts as they come and go, like clouds passing in the sky.
Start a journal where you can jot down your thoughts and feelings throughout the day.
This practice can help you identify recurring patterns in your self-talk and gain insights into your thought processes.
Incorporate meditation into your daily routine to calm the mind and create space for self-reflection.
Meditation can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, allowing you to recognise and detach from unhelpful self-talk.
Pay attention to how your self-talk affects your emotions.
Notice when negative or limiting thoughts arise and how they make you feel. Understanding the emotional impact of your self-talk can motivate you to change unhelpful patterns.
Challenge your ‘shoulds’!
Whenever you catch yourself using the word ‘should’ in your self-talk, pause and question it. Ask yourself why you feel that way and whether it’s based on rational thinking or societal expectations. Consider whether the ‘should’ is helping or hindering your growth and well-being.
“Don’t worry, you’re not going loopy! Most of us have one or more voices in our heads.”
Tools of the trade
In coaching we have an abundance of tools to help you identify where the self-talk is coming from. I’ve covered a few below, but this is by no means exhaustive.
Values elicitation certainly can help. This is a process where we identify and understand our core values which drive our thoughts, behaviours, and decisions. For example, I have a very strong Honesty value so in my mind the truth should always be spoken; I have learnt to tame this as I’ve got older, just be aware if you ask my opinion as I will speak my truth in my personal life.
Also our Drivers – a great tool to provide insight into what we do externally but identifying our internal processes.
For example if our dominant Driver is ‘Be Perfect’ then essentially some very black and white thinking can come into play as every task, person, or even statement can be classed mentally as ‘good or bad’.
Delving into one’s Drivers is hugely useful when it comes to combating ‘shoulding’.
And, we all know a People Pleaser.
Such traits though are not inherently bad or good, they have strengths and weaknesses, but insights help us understand ourselves so we can play to our strengths or adjust how we want to operate.
I am merely summarising a few factors here, in a coaching session we would explore this much more. As you can tell, these tools are in-depth and powerful and the insight gained is a game-changer!
“Delving into one’s Drivers is hugely useful when it comes to combating ‘shoulding’.”
Challenging the ‘should’
Aside from challenging the internal ‘shoulds’ – you will also get challenged if you ‘should’ me personally too. Actually a ‘you need to’ also falls in the same category for me. Yuk.
They are like a red rag to a bull; I will be polite and you may be right. You could be presenting me with something I would benefit from. But the ‘should’ is presumptuous and I’ve worked hard to adjust my self-talk – you may well be able to relate to this too. It’s like a defence mechanism, and one worth becoming aware of.
I invite you to consider your words, there is power in them, particularly when talking to a child and certainly when talking to yourself.
“‘Should’ is presumptuous and I’ve worked hard to adjust my self talk.”
I ‘should’ mention…
See what I did there!?
My personal journey with the ‘shoulds’ – oh yes I was a ‘should’a’ kinda girl and that was a monologue that rang in my ears for many years.
My Drivers I identified a long time ago and I let them drive me a bit too far! When I got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I was fortunate enough to work with a super Psychologist – the Strengths and the Perfect Drivers are very common for those who contract CFS.
Giving myself permission to feel the feels before moving on were absolutely key to my recovery.
This is what really sparked my interest in the Mind/Body ‘connection’. Why the inverted commas on ‘Connection’…………frankly there is no connection, it is fully integrated!
Holistic.
The sooner we realise this, then the sooner we are on our well-being path.
“Giving myself permission to feel the feels before moving on were absolutely key to my recovery.”
What’s next?
I read a super book that had been recommended to me. The Crossroads of Should and Must by Elle Luna. It was a quick and easy read and made absolute sense.
There are many lovely nuggets in there but this is my fave:
“When you examine the ‘shoulds’ of your life, you are consciously choosing to get to know your prison – the expectations from other people’s agendas, the belief systems you inhabit but don’t truly embrace,, and all the things you agree to without realising it. Shining a light on your list of Should may involve facing some of your deepest fears, and finding support is wise.”
I would encourage anyone struggling with ‘shoulding’ themselves to read it.
And working with a coach who understands the holistic integrated approach to oneself is transformational.
If you’re on the path to self-actualisation, or you’re just getting started identifying your limiting beliefs or any aspect you feel is holding you back from fulfilment, please get in touch.
I offer a Curiosity Call free of charge – are you ready to take the next step on your journey?
And so, for now, I’ll leave you with this…
“It’s your life, but only if you make it so. The standards by which you live must be your own standards, your own values, your own convictions in regard to what is right and wrong, what is true and false, what is important and what is trivial.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
There have been and still remain many times in my life where things sneak up on me like a ninja in furry slippers.
It’s as if circumstances appear out of nowhere - but if you’re self-aware, there is hope because there are signs and signals you can look out for. And prevention is so much easier than recovery.
For example, it’s over 20 years ago now that I got M.E. (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). Something that seemingly appeared out of the ether and seized control.
It took me 3 years to unravel from it and be well again.
And whilst I don’t really buy into regret, I take heed from lessons learnt and make every effort not to get caught out again.
What do I mean get caught out?
Well, I mean, this frog will always stop at regular intervals to check the water temperature!
“Take heed from lessons learnt and make every effort not to get caught out again. “
A Frog in a Pan
Many of my clients will have heard me refer to the anecdote of the frog in hot water…….
Apparently, if a frog is placed in hot water it will instantly jump out. However if a frog is placed in cold water and that water is gradually heated it will not be aware and will be slowly cooked to death.
Horrid, right? But a cautionary tale, nonetheless…
I must confess, I haven’t tested this on any frogs and certainly don’t intend to! However, whether the premise is true or not, this metaphor is one I return to again and again.
In a nutshell, the frog’s immediate response to the hot water represents a quick reaction to a sudden, noticeable change. In contrast, the frog’s failure to respond in the gradually heated water represents a lack of awareness or perception of the slowly changing conditions.
So from a human perspective, it demonstrates our tendency to overlook gradual changes in our environment or circumstances until they become significant or irreversible – making one hopping mad (see what I did there?)
Also, it’s telling of our ability to adapt and become accustomed to things that perhaps aren’t best for us in the long term.
So how do we identify what temperature the water is?
“We overlook gradual changes in our environment or circumstances until they become significant or irreversible.”
Your Breath
Most people have been told that if you are shallow breathing then you could well be in some kind of stress response.
The breath really is the key to your whole well-being. It connects directly to the health of the heart, the central nervous system and your oxygen supply needed to survive.
So take a deep breath.
Does it feel constricted at all?
Can you feel like you can even catch your breath now you are paying attention?
These are indications you are already in hot water.
Your Body
We seldom really get ill unless we are compromised by stress, particularly cumulative stress (that gradual application of heat, my dear frog).
We know the body keeps the score on things from your life. So what is your body trying to tell you?
Headaches, sleep issues, chronic pain, illness…these are all a cry for attention from your body but are you listening?
You may be so used to it that it has become your ‘normal’. You may be medicating but is that addressing the root cause? A Body Scan Meditation is a perfect opportunity to check in.
“We know the body keeps the score on things from your life. So what is your body trying to tell you?”
Your Spirit
For some this is a new realm entirely but it is here the water is dark and deep as well as hot.
Are you living your life how you want to?
Is your heart open?
Do you feel energised and joyful?
Do you feel congruent or aligned?
Have you ever even asked yourself these questions or are you on some kind of autopilot mode? If so you may well be in hot water.
In coaching we often work with a tool called Wheel of Life. It is a great starting point. If you’re curious, read on.
Your Inner Frog
So what now you have discovered whilst channelling your inner frog – is it that you’re in hot water?
Firstly you now know something you didn’t know, this is new knowledge!
Now you jump!
For some, the knowledge alone is enough and it means you can take that action. You may be able to self-resource.
For others it may not be so easy. You may be too tired or scalded to jump. You may need a leg up or support. Everyone is different.
If you’re ready to jump but you’re not sure how, book a free curiosity call with me, I will help you my froggy friend!
Grief caught up with me this week.
I knew it was there. I thought I had honoured and stepped through much of it. Even with all my tools at my disposal it still bit me on the backside!
Bernard
Our beautiful cat Bernard died.
Meaning ‘Strong Bear’ and named so because he was like a teddy bear, Bernard was a British Shorthair and more dog than cat.
We were often shouted at if we were not up in the mornings or if he needed something – he knew how to vocalise his demands! He was an absolute nutter that loved life. Seldom a lap cat but he did require picking up and cuddling until he told you he had got what he needed. He loved face kisses. Would adventure so hard in the night that once he checked in with you in the morning he slept so soundly it was hard to wake him up (cats normally sleep lightly). Often found at the top of the stairs and like his predecessor only rested once everyone was in their beds at night. He was my Hubster’s best friend.
He was such a foody that bread had to be put away, anything that needed defrosting had to be hidden in the microwave. The kids lost their packed lunch sandwiches a good few times if left unguarded in the mornings. He would try and eat whatever you had and even paw a plate towards him from your hands (shouting at you for lack of compliance).
At a mere 2 years old, Bernard was put to sleep – his face kissed for the whole duration and beyond as he passed. The base of his back and tail had a clear break that was clearly moved away from where it should be. Nerve damage was thought to be extensive and possible neurological damage. He was in so much pain. A few claws were roughly worn down, one side of his whiskers the same and bloody inside one ear. The vet believes it was a car. He could have only made it back to our garden on adrenalin with his injuries. We live in a cul-de-sac down a quiet close so car risk was minimal but sadly not impossible.
This picture of him is on my office chair, larger than life. He was pure joy bottled in a cat. I can bury my face no longer in his deep chocolate fur. We are a family member down and the house feels wrong for it. His presence is truly missed.
We are over the initial shock and are coming to terms with it, but we haven’t brought ourselves to bury his ashes just yet. Joy has left the household for a while.
“His face was kissed for the whole duration and beyond as he passed.”
Heather
My darling friend Heather passed away 2 years ago.
I had known H since I was 16 in my first ever full time job so our friendship spanned over more than 30 years. She had such a kind heart and was very fun to have in life with a fab chuckle. We had mini adventures together including getting our tattoo’s together and she was the first friend I told about my now Hubster whilst we were away at Champneys.
On the first anniversary of her death many of her friends gathered. This year there was a Hike for Heather but unfortunately I couldn’t go as I’ve had some intermittent problems with my leg. On the anniversary day itself we all communicated in our Whatsapp group. We’ve become quite a community as many of us knew OF each other when H was alive, but didn’t all know each other that well. So even in her death she has brought people together. The sunflower being our symbol for H. She was a real gift and a blessing to have known, I have some wonderful memories.
“How truly amazing it is to stumble upon a soul that wants nothing but smiles and sunshine for you”
Grief
Whilst it is a universal experience, our own journeys with grief are incredibly personal. There is no straight line/path to take, I don’t think.
And the child in me has stomped her feet at the injustice of these recent losses.
What has shocked me is the anger; as I look distrustingly at my neighbours wondering which one of them knocked my cat with a car and yet failed to look me out and let me know. How long the poor boy must have been in pain. I despise them and yet don’t know who they are.
My head knows accidents happen but my heart and gut are not aligned yet with my head.
We know there are stages to grief (see the infographic below), and I am clearly jumping around these currently.
I am not arrogant enough to believe I have it nailed down how to cope but I do have much experience in processing grief unfortunately.
Here are the strategies I am currently undertaking in case you want to cherry pick something you have not considered trying before:
Deep Breathing
At every opportunity I am filling my lungs to capacity. Soothing my nervous system.
Radical Gratitude
Oh I have been messaging some people and just speaking out loud to the universe. We know gratitude rewires the brain positively.
Expressing the Grief
Honestly this has been mainly tears. Writing this also is part of this.
Connection
I felt like doing nothing last weekend. My husband and daughter were at the Grand Prix at Silverstone. My son and I went Axe throwing – very therapeutic! Then shopped for food treats and watched Guardians of the Galaxy 3 together. It was a bit of magic for me, that time with him.
The Whatsapp group with the other friends of H already mentioned.
Small Realistic Goals
I already have lots of goals but I did decide to habit stack a few more.
I meditate during the day but from this week I have also switched my morning up. At 6am I go downstairs and get a warm mug of my ginger and lemon tonic and go outside and simply sit barefoot. I take my notebook so after 20 minutes I journal any thoughts. Then I listen to an audio book for 20 minutes. At 7am I head back inside to shower and get dressed then meet Hubster for a coffee in the lounge and a chat at 7.30am. It has just built extra space in before I see anyone and for anything to come up in those moments of solitude.
Healthy Eating & Hydration
Basic but fundamental!
Food is simply fuel to me and I often get way past hungry. I am ensuring I eat regularly and nutritious food where possible. No point in adding being ‘Hangry’ to my schedule!
Sleep
My sleep hygiene is generally good.
I leave my mobile phone in my office at night, my alarm is always set for 6am and I try to be in bed between 10-10.30pm. A banana before bed this week appears to be ensuring a deeper sleep since my nutritionist suggested that waking up in the night may be early stages of hunger and it seems to be working a treat.
Movement
If I can’t get out for a walk I have been bouncing on my mini-trampoline or gardening.
Meditation
The ‘sitting out’ practice in the morning at 6am, connecting with nature, allowing thoughts to come and go. Then a further seated session indoors later in the day.
EFT
Tapping through the anger and emotion.
“Expressing the grief has been mainly tears. Writing this also is part of this.”
A Safe Space
These various practices all have a hand in helping the mind, body, and soul connect – and allowing my nervous system to adjust while I create a safe space in my body and spirit to experience and process things as necessary.
A little distraction can be good, but creating a safe space for yourself is absolutely vital for processing trauma. Giving yourself permission to feel how you feel and practicing self-compassion is key.
“No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away….” Terry Pratchett
Where there is grief, there is great love……… the ripples continue.
If I had £1 for every time someone told me they “can’t” meditate I would be rather wealthy by now.
Or that they can’t stop their thoughts, or they tried it but they don’t like it, they can’t sit still, or they just go to sleep. The list goes on…
But I get it.
It’s hard when there’s so much information out there, telling you ‘magic’ techniques, quick tricks, secret tactics – and that the benefits are so great that you need to force yourself to simply get better at it – so much pressure!
But, it’s not about forcing it. It’s about inviting it. Bear with me, because you’ll be glad you did.
With so much scientific evidence available now it is impossible to argue against the numerous benefits of meditation. I could list 100+ (it would take me a while, and you already know the ones that speak to you, that’s why you’re here).
So we can say definitively that multiple benefits exist. Does this help you to be able to actually do it? Unlikely.
People are drawn to meditation for different reasons. Mine was a health crisis. I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and my body and I were not friends!
Meditation dug me out of that pit of despair. It had such a huge impact on me that it’s led to my passion and been the divine source of my mission of getting people on the path to meditation so that they can benefit too.
It’s true, the power of meditation lies in consistency, however, you have to get onto the path first. You can’t just run out into the middle of nowhere and expect miracles. There is direction.
So getting onto the path initially might look like a bit of self-care, some moments of solitude, longing for stillness and peace OR sheer desperation (like mine was). You need a hook. The reason, the inclination, the intuitive yearning. Why not let that determine the first type of meditation you explore and take to – the path of least resistance (initially at least).
After all, what we desire is meant for us.
You likely feel guided towards a particular style. Go with it. Lean into it. Explore and nurture that craving.
After that, you can begin to try different techniques – there’s bound to be one that works for you better than others. One that resonates, that you find easier than others, and that fills you with the something you’ve been wanting.
One size does not fit all, and of course, it takes practice. You don’t go to a gym once and workout thinking you’ll have amazing abs the same day (although we all live in hope). Your brain is the same, it needs regular exercise to change. This is neuroplasticity at work as new neural pathways are established.
You need to know what’s out there, what’s achievable, become more familiar with variety and in a safe, supportive environment.
Once you start feeling more accomplished – you may be ready to move to a different technique. You may even use different techniques at different times, depending on what’s going on in your life, I certainly do.
But the intention here is to simply get onto the path. The journey is ahead, and it’s exciting, but let’s walk first before we set ourselves to sprint!
Did you know different meditation techniques affect different brainwaves and different parts of the brain?! Some can be done with your eyes wide open. You don’t even have to sit cross legged on the floor! Yes, you can meditate and move at the same time (and it’s liberating).
The beauty here is in the invitation and exploration. So ditch what you think you know, unlearn in order to be receptive to really learn.
When we sit to meditate, we’re looking after ourselves in ways that might not at first seem obvious. The benefits are numerous. There’s a lot to be said for stillness and space – expansive space that we can cultivate with practice. The same can be said of other techniques. It’s about discovery.
You may notice benefits ‘off the mat’ rather than in the moment. You may transcend to other worlds. You may find a sense of calm and peace that’s eluded you since you can remember, you might find a clarity of thought that you never dreamed possible. You might just simply feel good in your own body.
So whether you arrive at the starting point to manage stress, reduce anxiety, or just cultivate peace of mind; the ripple effect of a practice will be far more positive in ways you’re perhaps unaware of just yet.
You don’t know what you don’t know. But how exciting it is to be on the path to knowing?!
So take the first step onto the path with me and let’s allow the gamut of emotions and/or feelings come and go as you learn. There is no growth in your comfort zone. Embrace the ebbs and flows.
You’ll be so grateful to yourself when you do.
Take a look at my events page for my next meditation event – I hope to see you there.
Wendy
In the aftermath of the boiling water incident that left my leg and foot severely burned, the journey of recovery begins.
While seeking medical attention and adhering to professional advice, I also turned to the power of meditation and breathwork as complementary tools to support my healing journey. Throughout this period, I discovered the profound impact that these practices, coupled with intuitive healing, could have on my physical and emotional well-being.
Recovery Estimates
So let me pick up where I left off…
The recovery time anticipated for my leg and foot was to be approximately 6 weeks minimum, I was informed. With burns, particularly large areas, the biggest risk is infection.
So the task was simple – feet up and heal and change the dressings. They kept a very close eye on me and I was not referred locally – every few days I took the trip into the city hospital and had the dressings changed. This went on for 3 weeks.
So, other than hospital visits, I was pretty much housebound. I could not wear shoes on my right foot. There was swelling and the pain was ongoing. Even sleeping next to the Hubster was a challenge. I swapped the side of the bed so my right leg could be out of the covers.
Healing from within
So, of course I continued to access my tools; I was tapping daily and meditating as frequently as possible. I would stand in the garden barefoot and ground myself.
To connect with the healing energy within me, I engaged in meditations focused on loving-kindness, visualisations of healing and blood flow, and the sacred chanting of “Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung,” a mantra renowned for its sacred healing properties.
Personally I don’t like to chant unless I understand the words I am using. So here’s the translation for you.
Ra = Means Sun life energy
Ma = Means Moon more receptive
Da = Means Earth, the Mother security and strength.
Sa = Means Sky-Universe-Unity, to sing it brings the healing, the infinite one, everything is connected
Sa = Everything is connected
Say = I am Sa
So = I experience Sa
Hung = Reality is the vibrating sense Infinite love
If you would like to experience the chant by the most beautiful voice that is Snatam Kaur.
Dead Toes
A week or so in and the doctors were paying more attention to the three outside toes on my foot. It would appear the white toes may not only be white due to the skin healing but maybe they had been killed off completely and there was a possibility of developing gangrene!
The dressings got expensive as they used special silver ones. I was understandably gripped with immense fear.
I continued to turn to meditation, visualisation, breathwork, and tapping to guide me through.
The enforced rest was starting to feel counter intuitive. How was fresh blood going to get to the area easily if it had to go uphill? I was aware my muscles needed action and my knee was locking. And I was missing my wild swimming so much.
Fortunately my dear friend Magda came to visit. Now, she is a McTimoney Chiropractor and a qualified nurse and we are both very intuitive, particularly when it comes to healing. She felt the same as me, it was time to move and engage muscles and improve blood flow.
Focussed Healing
The walks round the garden and the house increased and the focussed healing continued.
Finally after 3 weeks my toes came back to life! It was at this point that I was discharged and no longer had to visit the hospital. Much scarring was predicted and I even have a dent in that leg (I think I managed to burn a bit of fat away).
It became clear that my multifaceted healing journey was driven by a combination of medical expertise, self-healing practices, and a deep connection to my body’s innate wisdom.
I asked if I could get back to my wild swimming. They weren’t keen but said I had to wait until the weekend and that it had to be the sea, not rivers.
On top of that, the burnt areas were not to see the sun for a minimum of a year and then a year of Factor 50 sun lotion should be applied.
I drove home via Lidl’s who fortunately had an offer on swim leggings!
Back in the Sea
That weekend I jumped into the North Sea in my new leggings and continued to wild swim as much as possible.
Two years on, the time in which it takes for all of the skin to completely regenerate, and I see no scars! Admittedly my legs have not seen the sun yet so perhaps I will have a patchy tan when it happens. I hope to find out this year.
This was not luck. My healing was incredibly focussed. I used every tool at my disposal. And I do think the cold water immersion from the swimming (I did do Cryotherapy too but I shall talk about that another time) had much to do with the minimal scarring.
So that 6 week recovery they said was the minimum……………On week 4 I trained as a Firewalk Instructor and I walked on burning hot coals hundreds of times.
Intuitive Healing
My recovery surpassed the initial expectations, not merely by chance but through a deliberate utilisation of modalities available to me.
While acknowledging that my experience is unique and not a substitute for medical advice, I do attribute the power of meditation, breathwork, intuitive healing, and the therapeutic benefits of cold water immersion to my healing journey.
By embracing these practices alongside professional guidance, I found resilience and bolstered the deep connection with my body’s innate wisdom.
In the midst of a painful incident involving a boiling water burn, I found solace in the power of breathwork and meditation.
Despite the overwhelming pain and stress, I knew I had to rely on my own inner resources to prevent spiralling into further distress.
The Incident
It was April 2021 and the sun was shining. Hubster had the BBQ on the go. My role was simple; boil the new potatoes. So boil them I did. Then I took them to the sink to drain them…….my wrist gave way. Suddenly without warning.
The pan of boiling water went down my right thigh and hit my right foot. At this point my memory does not entirely serve me but my next recall is being upstairs whipping off my trousers and showering my legs in cold water. I do remember thinking I was wasting water?!
This meant I did not submerge anywhere near as long as you should for a scalding.
I then went downstairs for dinner! Apparently no boiled potatoes were harmed in this incident and I had still drained them and left them on the side.
However the pain was pretty bad. My own first aid training did not really come to mind. In the end (after dinner) I rang 111 for them to ask the key question; is the burn bigger than your hand?……Er yes it was; the area burnt was a few hands worth. Cue wrapping my leg in clingfilm and getting to hospital.
To the hospital
Hubster had been enjoying a glass of wine and we have a policy of not driving, even if we think we are under the limit. So he stayed back with one of the kids and he threw my daughter in a taxi with me. Something else I would go on to regret.
The pain is pretty horrendous throughout all of this.
After the taxi initially taking me to a medical centre rather than Accident & Emergency!!! We rock up at the hospital. £50 lighter (hence my aforementioned regret).
I hobbled into the hospital, aided by my then 15 year daughter, only to be told she was not allowed in the hospital with me due to the post Covid restrictions. This had a serious impact on my stress levels – my daughter having to stand alone outside.
I am put in a wheelchair and parked where I can see my daughter through the glass. I get triaged about 7pm and get paracetamol, then parked back in the waiting room. The waiting room is not that busy but it would appear even with burns in a monumental amount of pain there is no queue jumping.
In the meantime Hubster drinks plenty of coffee and water and comes to collect my daughter. The relief was huge as it was getting dark. Love her. Remember this is a kid that has barely been out of the house for a while due to the covid restrictions.
Inner Resources
So I sit in my wheelchair, in pain, waiting……..I kid you not, I used every tool at my disposal that I have. I honestly wanted to scream and cry rather dramatically inside. However I knew I would exacerbate the pain and spiral into my own drama. I HAD to self-resource on this to prevent making myself feel any worse.
So I focus on my breath like there is nothing else in the world. Breathing in and breathing out. Inhaling and exhaling, I allowed the breath to anchor me in the present moment, providing a sense of stability amidst the chaos.
I use my EFT and I tap, allowing every emotion to move up and out of my body as I sit there, relieving some of the inner turmoil.
I actually consider calling Hubster to pick me up and take me home a number of times thinking I’m fine, I can cope. The waiting room is not even busy, so I convince myself the injury is minor otherwise surely they would have seen me already.
At Last I’m Seen
It is at least 2am when I am finally taken through for treatment. I am immediately offered gas and air, however I would rather be in pain than risk being physically sick so I decline it (doh).
Then I get loads of attention from lots of different medical experts. Many photos of my leg are taken and calls are made to the Burns Unit at Chelmsford. A decision has to be made if I am sent there or not and it is decided they keep me but they constantly liaise with the burns unit.
The first part of treatment is de-roofing. This is the removal of all the dead tissue and includes the blisters. So some poor guy gets the task armed with tweezers and scissors to cut it all away where the boiling water has hit.
It takes a painstakingly long time! He constantly offers me breaks and asks me if I am OK but I get in the zone – breathwork and meditation are my tools of choice.
Despite the discomfort, I observed and accepted the pain and breathed with it and through it.
Showered With Compliments!
I am finally allowed home around 4am.
Throughout this I was showered with compliments as to how I coped. From the taxi driver who took me to the hospital (the flippin’ scenic route), to the nurses and the doctors.
The nurse that deroofed my leg said he has seen rugby players with lesser injuries not cope so well.
And I tell you this not to impress you but to impress upon you the value of meditation.
The Power of Meditation
Meditation cannot take the pain away but observing and accepting discomfort increases your tolerance for pain.
This experience reaffirmed the immense value of meditation in my life.
While meditation couldn’t take away the physical pain, it provided me with the strength and presence of mind to navigate this distressing situation. By cultivating a deep connection to my breath and practicing acceptance, I was able to endure.
Subsequent to Potato-Gate, joint weakness became more constant and a year later I transition through the Menopause. So in retrospect, I attribute the event to Perimenopause.
And, I attribute my ability to face these challenges with resilience and inner strength to the transformative practice of meditation.
It remains an essential part of my life, allowing me to manage stress, take charge of pain, and cultivate a sense of trust in my own ability to navigate life, no matter what’s thrown my way.
In the town of Spalding is a rather splendid building privately owned called The Sessions House. It is the former town courthouse. They have some fabulous rooms but my favourite by far is the library and it is here I shall be running monthly small groups for In Real Life meet ups. I have called it a Monthly Reset as my intention is for it to help you put your brakes on and sit with yourselves.
Our first one took place this month and we not only valued the meditation but the connection and chat with each other afterwards. So in future I will bring along some coaching/ journal prompts for everyone too. The group will only be six so booking in advance will be essential.
For those of you that don’t know me I am a qualified meditation teacher with The British School of Meditation. I have my own meditation regular practice.
Love & hugs,
Wendy
Here is a picture of the library……..
